Agency_A #MeToo Romance Read online

  “What would you say has been the biggest challenge for you along the way?”

  I thought this would be an easy question resulting in an answer about building up a client base or moving to the city, but instead a vacant, distant look took her. It was like she’d completely left the room. “Dr. Alex?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, snapping out of it. There was that one year I was audited,” she said, and I got the impression she wasn’t going to bring up her issue voluntarily, even if we were having a conversation that didn’t feel like the typical counselor-patient chat.

  “You must say it’s all worked out for you, right?” I knew these types of questions were chafing her, and maybe it was unkind, but I kept pressing with them anyway. What had gotten to the implacable Dr. Alex? She took a deep breath and clutched her pen hard to the notepad before looking up and forcing a curt smile.

  “If you want my advice about your predicament, based on everything you’ve shared with me, I would suggest that you look for the way that’s going to best enable you to defend the people you have always felt were vulnerable. Helping has been your true guiding light as far as I can tell. That’s what’s going to give you the sense you’ve made a satisfying move,” she said.

  I nodded, knowing she was right and then immediately grasping that neither working with Keenan nor Seth would give me that. Working with advertising or money just wasn’t a good fit. I needed something better, and I began to sense that the only way I would find it was by going off on my own. Dr. Alex was another fierce entrepreneur, like Keenan and Seth, except she had her own way of doing it and her own goals in mind. I was disappointed in myself for not seeing that before. Not every new company had to be full of brash bravado and a hunger for disruption.

  “And you’d say that you’ve helped people?”

  “That’s the definition of my job,” she said, shrugging a little. Maybe it had been kind of a stupid question, but it sent me scrambling for something a little better.

  “Do you feel conflicted at all about helping people and charging two-hundred and fifty dollars an hour? How did you figure out that’s what you’re worth?”

  I expected this question to be too personal for her to answer, but to my surprise she went after it directly.

  “There are a lot of people who do need help with money, but that’s not the kind of help I have spent my life providing. I could tell you all kinds of things about our expenses and fees, taxes, industry averages, and so on to justify it, but the thing nobody really tells you is that it comes down to your gut. You have to know what you deserve and ask for it, and I don’t think it would come as a newsflash for me to inform you that women are often predisposed to undervaluing their worth. Many do feel a conflict that charging anything is, I guess, predatory. You have to get over that and look at how the size of your part compares to the whole.”

  The way she said it was almost vindictive at points, a tone I’d never heard her slip into before. It was a little alarming, disenchanting even, and it gave me a sense that she did have to fight through hurdles to get where she was. But in another way, it made the light in my head shine even brighter. Was I worth sixty or so thousand a year, a hundred-thousand a year, or more? No one could answer that but me, and the only way to find out would be to try to do it on my own.

  Opening my own business began to solidify in my mind as the only realistic course of action.

  I spent a few moments lost in my head thinking about it only to be interrupted by Dr. Alex, who now had a melancholy, wistful expression.

  “You asked me if I’d helped people by going the way I’ve gone, but I may not have helped myself. I wouldn’t mention it if it didn’t seem so pertinent, but my husband left over the weekend. He’s the manager at a chain restaurant, not a bad job certainly, but he couldn’t ever really get over how much influence the money I earned had on our lives. I will tell you this about empowering yourself, it can have unintended consequences,” she said.

  I gasped and offered her all of my sympathy, but in my head I felt like any man who couldn’t handle my career for better or for worse couldn’t walk out fast enough. We talked for a few minutes about how she was handling it and what she was going to do, but my mind kept returning to the tantalizingly mysterious prospect of striking out on my own. It seemed a dangerous thing that could leave me penniless and widely known as a failure, but I felt like it was something I had to make work.

  Some of the practical realities seeped in already, things about my life that would have to change to make room for this. Two-hundred and fifty dollar an hour counseling sessions didn’t fit into the picture if I was suddenly paying out of pocket.

  “It looks like we’re running out of time. I hope this isn’t rubbing salt in the wound, but I’m afraid this might be my last opportunity to talk with you. You have helped me a lot,” I said with a smile still full of sympathy for her newfound plight.

  “I had a feeling it would be,” she said, some of the kindness coming back into her eyes. “My schedule and I will adapt.”

  I spent the afternoon going about my work while fully preoccupied with what it would mean to start a business and be my own boss. There seemed to be so many steps involved, and telling Keenan I was leaving had the potential to be the most painful. I wondered if quitting Mouse Roar would mean the last time I would ever see him.

  That night I went for a walk alone down some well-lit, heavily trafficked streets. It felt like a relief to know that my time at Mouse Roar doing that work would be quickly coming to a close, but my thoughts for Seth and his offer grew into something more like bitterness.

  I’d pitched a business idea to investors who decided it had been worth four million dollars, and yet I felt ecstatic with gratitude when Seth had told me my share would be one-hundred thousand a year. And what’s more, if that idea didn’t work out, he wanted the lion’s share of any more million dollar ideas I had while keeping my earnings the same. I wouldn’t have called it malicious of him, but there was no doubt he wasn’t going to put up a fight if I decided to undervalue myself, and if there were a couple of misses, it was safe to say that my job security would’ve been as thin as if I’d been working for myself anyway.

  All I needed to do was break it to them that I wouldn’t be working for either of them, and at that point I could see who wanted to stick around in a more personal capacity.

  Oh, and if another one of those million dollar ideas could spring up in a hurry so that my business would be a gangbusters success, that would be swell.

  I sat at a table in Calf-inated, alone for the moment. The stage was empty. It was the middle of the afternoon on Saturday and the place was vacant except for a few small groups dispersed here and there. It was time to break the news to the boys. I wasn’t normally a nervous person, but my stomach was full of butterflies and I fully expected myself to get tongue-tied and bungle what I had to say.

  I’d invited them both without saying the other would be coming too.

  Seth came in first, a couple of minutes early actually. It was good I’d already been there for fifteen minutes or getting there after one of them would’ve thrown me off from the start. At least now I felt like it was my place they were coming to since I was already sitting down. Seth had an easy smile for me as he maneuvered his muscular body in between some chairs and tables.

  He set both hands on the back of a chair at the table I was sitting and leaned forward.

  “Couldn’t wait till nightfall to meet me for drinks?”

  A chime on the door rang, causing me to shift aside and look. Seth glanced around to see Keenan enter, right on time. All trace of amusement seeped out of Seth’s face. He turned back to look at me with incredulity.

  “I need to talk to both of you,” I said. There was a chance Seth would’ve bolted right there, but to his credit he pulled out his chair and took a seat with nothing more than a raised eyebrow.

  “Are you working here now, Seth? I knew you’d land on your feet,” Keenan said, but
I could see the uncertainty he harbored as well.

  “I could buy this place and have you thrown out before you could get a cup of coffee, Old Roomie,” Seth said.

  “How many Monopoly sets would you have to buy to convert that much of your funny money into paper?”

  I could already feel the tension between them and knew I had to step in before they got carried away with each other.

  “Hey, this isn’t going to be like the other times where I watched you guys squabble at each other. Sit down and let me get you both something to drink,” I said, thinking that was what a businessperson hosting a meeting was supposed to do.

  Keenan slid his chair a bit farther away with Seth and sat down. Neither of them seemed that inclined to order anything all of a sudden, which was probably for the best since it would mean fewer possible projectiles around.

  “What is this about?” Keenan asked with a look that seemed to hint that he would’ve preferred a call than this. I took a deep breath and tried to dive right into it.

  “I’ve got some band-aids to rip off and I thought it would be better if I did it all at once,” I said, scratching my forehead and trying to draw strength from the surrounding air. I felt like once I really said it out loud to them there was no going back. “I want to say that there’s a lot I respect and appreciate about both of you, and despite your butting heads in some ways you’re very similar. I think I’m also similar to some of those ways you are similar to each other.”

  Seth gave me a quizzical look. Another deep breath calmed me down a little but not nearly enough. I practically braced myself for them to run for the hills.

  “What I’m trying to say is that I think the best thing to do for me is to take the plunge and try starting my own company, like you’ve done. Believe me, I can tell you all of the arguments about why it’s a terrible thing to throw away everything I have and do this, but my sense is that I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t. This is my life and I’ve got to find a way to take charge more.

  “But I’m hoping I’ll still have the ability to count on your support. In particular, any ideas about what I could do that would be a business would be greatly appreciated at this point. I’d like to go for something incredibly awesome, but I’m also realistic and can settle for something reliable and doable that speaks to my interests,” I said.

  I felt good about what I’d said, but the smile quickly faded from my lips at the flat expressions on their faces. Seth looked like he expected me to end by saying I was just kidding, but Keenan was a fair shake more incensed. He put his arms out in disbelief.

  “So what I’m getting here is that you want to quit your job with Mouse Roar in order to start a company even though you don’t have the slightest clue about what you’ll be doing,” he said. His indignation put a smirk on Seth’s face.

  “Makes sense to me. I’d leave your company to become a crash test dummy if I had to.”

  “I doubt you’d pass the aptitude test,” Keenan said.

  I didn’t want this to turn into another situation where Keenan had to storm away with egg on his face, but I knew he was the one who had the most to lose by watching a top employee walk out the door for good.

  “I know this is going to be the hardest on you,” I said to him. “If you want we can plan for a couple more weeks to wrap things up and make the transition. But I don’t want you to take this personally. You’ve done a lot to inspire me to go after more in my life, to really have a mission and a method for executing it, like through advertising. I just have to figure out what mine is.”

  Seth leaned forward.

  “Can I say the obvious? Get into swimsuit modeling. You’d be a star.”

  I could tell he was trying to be flattering, as usual, but I shook my head.

  “I’m pretty sure I have more tangible skills than that I’d be better off using. Plus I can’t stand having sand everywhere,” I said.

  Keenan glanced up at the ceiling and then over at the bar where some noisy coffee machines were running.

  “I know you’re far above being a copywriter, but there are a lot of areas a talented writer can get into and make a good living. You have a way with words and the knowledge of how to employ them. There are a lot of people who could use that.”

  I smiled, hoping to encourage him.

  “That’s a good suggestion. I definitely could do that and might have to. I guess what I’m really trying to do is make a broader change that has more of an impact on people and the way they think, improve people’s lives, you know? While still being able to make a living and pay my bills.”

  The men both had contemplative expressions on, but I wondered if they were really even trying to help me figure this out or if they had other things in mind. I doubted that either of them had much experience helping with other businesses than their own, perhaps making them poor candidates for my immediate quandary. It was a shame though because they had both recently undergone substantial changes to their business models and broken into new fields. It occurred to me that most of that had been because of me. Maybe I could keep doing that, reshaping companies and improving them, saving women from their unbearable workplaces along the way whenever possible.

  This wasn’t something either of them could decide for me. I had to know it for myself that this was what I wanted to do, and for once in my life I did.

  “What if I keep doing what I did for the two of you? I’m sure there are lots of other companies and organizations out there that need to get out of a tight spot or pivot into a new area. It’s not always easy to see what your company should do when you’re inside of it. I could come in somewhere, see what’s going on, and then make suggestions about what needs to happen,” I said.

  “So…‌consulting,” Keenan said.

  “Well that’s another way to put it, but more than just how to make money. I could attempt to improve workplace culture and increase diversity as well.”

  This time it was Seth who appeared perturbed.

  “Wait, let me get this straight. You’ve decided that you’re going to create a company doing exactly what you needed us to help you with two minutes ago?”

  I nearly gasped and definitely blushed a little.

  “Maybe a little, but it took having that little snag to see that this is an area where there’s a need. I bet there are tons of people who get stuck on that problem for weeks or months, some of them after already starting a business and then finding it floundering,” I said, still feeling somewhat embarrassed.

  Keenan crossed his arms over his chest in a pensive way.

  “I think you’re putting yourself in a tough line of work. Changing a business model is one thing, but trying to change the way people you don’t even know behave or react is another. People are unpredictable. They often can’t correctly diagnose their problems, which would prevent you from solving them. Even when they have the perfect solution in hand, many aren’t able to carry it out. You did do great with us, I’ll give you that, but there are going to be times when your plans do get implemented and it won’t work out, leading to unhappy customers.”

  I nodded, knowing that he was right. Instead of being able to ignore these issues and let a boss handle them, I would have to have an answer for every single thing that came up. There wouldn’t be anywhere to hide, no one to take care of things if I was sick or not in the mood. Maybe that would change if I got it going enough to have a staff, but I would be completely on my own at least to start.

  “I can do this,” I said to myself as much as to them. Seth and Keenan exchanged looks that were much less hostile than before.

  “It’s as good an idea as any,” Seth said. “If I hear about anybody needing this kind of help I’ll let you know.”

  “You offered to put in some more time and make this sort of an advance notice, but if you’re ready to dive right into this you can do that as soon as you want without feeling like you have to come in on Monday. It’ll be a bear, but I’ll manage the increased workload until we can ge
t Lena up to speed on everything you were doing,” Keenan said.

  My grin was growing larger and larger. Having Lena promoted and the chance to get right to work on creating a business of my own felt like a dream come true. I just hoped it wouldn’t turn into a nightmare.

  “Thank you for that. I think I will take you up on it then, but I’ll still come in to say goodbye to everyone on Monday.”

  Both of them were being surprisingly kind and supportive of the whole thing, especially when they could’ve easily felt like I was leaving them high and dry.

  “I’m just glad you’re not trying to become another competitor. We’ve got enough of those,” Keenan added.

  We talked a little more about some of the highs and lows of starting a business, some of the steps necessary to create and register one. I was an eager student trying to soak up every single detail and get started right away. Before long I felt like I had more than enough to go on.

  “I hope this doesn’t feel like I’m kicking you while you’re down, but maybe we could wrap up here so I can get started. I have a lot of work to do!”

  “Sure, I’ll call you later,” Keenan said with the kind of sweet smile and alluring look I used to see from him shortly after I began working at his company. I felt an instant jolt that having him say goodbye to me as an employee could lead to a new hello for the possibility of resuming our relationship and putting it on stronger footing than before.

  Seth was much less sentimental.

  “Alright, I’m out of here,” he said, rising from his chair and heading straight for the exit. It gave me a pang of disappointment that he didn’t have anything else to say before he left. Maybe all of his flattery was just a macho act. Keenan obviously wasn’t sorry that Seth made a brisk exit. He got up but kept his fingertips on the table.

  “You’re going to be great. Just remember that you’re driving this train by yourself and as long as you believe in it with your whole heart other people won’t hesitate to climb on board.”